Ramblings of Thirty-Something Year Old

How long does a particular season of your life last? Well, however long it is necessary. 

I say this because for the last four and a half years of my life I have felt stuck and it is causing me extreme discomfort. 

For those of you who knew me prior to 2016, I was more optimistic, joyful and in great health. Something changed when I decided to move to another country, leaving behind family, friends and my TRIBE! 

Four and a half years on, I find myself constantly anxious and depressed, worried about my now, my future, worried for my daughter. I’ve gained over 60 pounds, gained bad eating and sleeping habits and I am ashamed to say, perpetually unhappy. 

Yes, there are moments when the world stops and the vibrant, optimistic, confident being shines through but that is not my normal. 

I say all of this to ask-what causes a person to feel this way? Why does it last as long as it does? And what can we do to get to the other side of that turbulent season. Quite frankly, whatever I try doesn’t seem to offer sustained relief. 

I know there will be those who will read this post and immediately tell me to take it down, or that people don’t need to know my business. And that may be their thoughts about it, but I do it because others are going through similar things.  

In the midst of our happy moments on Facebook and Instagram, people are suffering internally. Often times the places we turn to for help are not the best of places and leave us feeling worse than when we came. 

I am not the carefree person I was back then but I’d like to gain the courage to be. If someone looking on the outside feels differently; feel free to share with me. 

I pray this season will soon be over…. 

Until next time…. 

Your Thirty-Something year old 

The Rebirth

It’s the 19^th of January, 2018. I’m sitting at my work space reading an article on Business Insider about the marriage of Mackenzie and Jeff Besos and listening to Labrinth. And it hit me; I need to start writing again- like serious writing. I stop what I’m doing and I begin to script this piece. Today is a really good day. I feel great in my body minus the muscle aches from gym. I feel sound in my mind, hopeful and genuinely happy. Just a mere month ago I didn’t feel so happy and at peace. My mind was riddled with thoughts; diminishing ones, my health was on a downward spiral among other very personal matters I’m not ready to share just yet.

As 2018 approached I was skeptical, wanting to make a change for the better and stick to it this time. We all make those New Year’s resolutions and fall short along the way. I was determined however to stop living in my head and actually start living a fulfilling life- one that only I could give myself.

I woke up one morning, called my friend and said I wanted to start the gym. Sure enough he goes on mornings and that was exactly what I needed. For the past three weeks that has been my refuge, shutting out every other thing that bogs me down and putting myself in that mental space needed to take control of my life. And with the gym came the plan to do the whole30 “reset” diet for thirty days. No sugar, no alcohol, no dairy, no grains. It’s a lot, but you have to believe me when I say it’s worth it. I’m already half-way there.

I’m taking the time to take care of me first, shutting out those things and people that don’t deserve my attention at this very moment. This feels right- It feels right to say “no”. It feels right to say, “I think I need a break for now”. Slowly but surely I’m convinced that this is my time to become what I’m supposed to be. I look forward to coming on this platform to share my story with those who wish to listen. Hopefully it inspires someone to live their truth, as simply as possible.

Until next time…Love…Nisha…