Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Missing Home

I miss home. The new home that I had built; with my adorable  children and a husband.
I missing waking up with two chidlren beside me.
I miss seeing my partner making his cup of tea in the morning.

Our house was quiet in the morning, until about 10 am and then everyone was up and flinging toys all over the room.  Little hands left marks on the fridge and litte heads peered out of it all day long.

My life isn't so simple anymore. Chaya loves calling me mommy but she'll say 'Cherry!' way more than mommy because she sees her alot more than me.

But I get some mornings at the bayside; just Chaya and me, and we sit and swim, and gaze at each other.
It makes a  big difference!

I miss sharing a cup of tea in the afternoon with hubby, or watching a movie together. Doing grocery shopping was fun too!

And most of all watching the children play  while we sit and marvel at the gems we helped bring into the world.

But Achilles I miss the most. I miss his stare and his unconditional love. His yearning for his mother every minute of his waking day; when he's  not playing that is.  He loved sitting at the table and waiting for breakfast.

And running, oh how he loved to run! The  ecstasy on his face when he'd get a chance to be out in  nature, sprinting without a care in the world.

Now I'm at another home, a former home. It's safe; most of the time. And there is lots of love.

But I miss MY home.

Friday, January 28, 2011


Time goes by slowly. I can relax and breathe. No worries about the children destroying the house and making it unlivable. I still have to say "Stop doing that!" once in a blue but not constantly. The gentle crashing of the waves soothes me and the burdens that I feel seem to pass away. For one day at least.

It's not so bad. I have a home, and a family and beautiful children. I dont have to worry about feeding or sheltering or thinking of where I will get money to clothe myself. It's not all that bad.

The children are very happy to be outside; away from the TV or computer or stuck in the house because I'm too depressed to go outside. They run and jump and roll around in the sand. They get really dirty but I don't mind. They are children. I can worry about the laundry some other time.

I can sit and talk with my partner. We don't get to do that very often. If we do, it's mostly that one of us is in a rush or it's that we're complaining about something and it never gets resolved. But away from the distractions we can let loose and say what's on our mind, and know that there's time to hear each one's side. We can think about the future and make real plans that last.  We care for each other and appreciate what we both bring to the table. In those moments I can really see who my partner can be. A caring person who can be annoyed  and angry at times but it doesn't always have to be like that. I learn that we are all just human and its only just emotions.

I look at the stars at night. They are so vivid and there are so many of them. I wonder what's out there. How vast the universe is. How I'm such a small part of it and my problems even smaller.

Things change, they never stay the same. The flowers grow and then wither away. So too will I. But I hope that I can learn enough and enlighten someone else to make their lives a bit easier. That I can be a good mother and spouse and whatever else I choose to be.

I love my weekends now. I feel very free!